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Galen Sunsword is interviewing you as a potential murder suspect
Ha. Ha. Ha. You Sunswords are so foolish. You think you are so strong. You think you inspire order. You think you bring fear. I fear only one thing, and it is not you, and it is not death. So do what you will, but remember I will return.
Boy, do you even know who I am? I'm far older than you (
) and more than skilled enough to ensure that if I had killed the deceased, that you wouldn't even know that he was killed. You would just think that he went for a swim while high on
or affected by a similar substance.
Murder? Are goblins lives worth something to you? The only thing I've killed recently is some goblin trash that tried to rob me on the way to this damned
. Now if you'll excuse me, I am in dire need of an excellent tailor. Would you happen to know where I can find one? The gobins ripped my brand new arcanist tails.
Look Galen you know I'm good for it I always pay back my debts... most of the time. I can stea-I mean acquire the gold to pay the debt. I know some people I can get gold from through totally legal ways. Just trust me I always pay my debts and look I promise I won't skip town like the last time.
I'm atcually unable to carry or use any weapons or magic it's a rare disease that affects very few kobolds so I clearing couldn't have...yeah...
im going to use disappear.
"Listen here, Mister Fancypants. I didn't want to come to this party but my so-called friends said I -had- to. Oh and to answer your question I didn't kill your friend. I only kill dwarves because they are despicable baby killers. Unless I get paid to kill something else."
-Flint, a Kobold Sorcerer that might've blown up a tavern some time ago
edited May 2017
*in a slightly paniced voice* Gallen, sir, please! I promise you, I had nothing to do with it! I was just in the ball room, enjoying the music. I was nowhere near (murdered person's name)! I don't even have my mace on me. I promise I would never do such a thing! The only crime i've comitted is double dipping in the food bowl!
...But I've only just arrived. Perhaps he died from merely observing your
intellect. Or maybe you haven't quite figured out how a cloak of invisibility works.
I didn't even touch him! He was weird and old, but I did nothing! Anyways, he isn't dead. Look, he's just sleeping! He'll wake up in a few hours, don't worry, Galen! Btw, you should totally check out my awesome fireball spell, Galen! I can make it so huge now! Watch this!
Yeah, uhhh Mister Sunblade? I ain't no killer. That fella there was a good friend-a-mine too. Ain't lay a finger on 'im. Ask anyone worth their salt Mister Sunbeam, I don't tussle with any pal 'o mine unless I'm knockin' some sense into 'em. And last time I checked, my good buddy here was right as rain. Nah Sunsleeve... this is the handiwork of some cold felon, a hired gun maybe.
edited May 2017
"Let me stop you right there, Sunsword. I did some investigating prior to this... interrogation, and it's
obvious this wasn't me. I would have razed the city, no holds barred, burned the place to ashes, as I prefer. And yet it stands, with no sightings of Whelplings, ships, nor any pirate but myself, with but one killed, and nothing stolen! I'm guilty of many things, admittedly, but don't insult me with these mere speculations you're trying to pass for evidence. We're done here, Galen, unless you'd like to continue testing my patience. I'm going back to the party."
(In a dopey voice)
Uhhhh, I juss got here and ...... Oh no! Dere has been a murder here? Who coulda done dis? Why would anywun wanna kill anywun? Dat is bad. Really bad.
Huh? Are you askin me if I did da killin of da poor, poor guy? I didn do nuthin. No sir ree. Nuthin at all. I would feel so so bad if I did da killin. But I didn do da killin.
Also, do you have sum fish yogurt? I love fish yogurt. It tastes really good. Yummy fish yogurt. Can I have sum?
Oh yes... Hello Galen, I'm sorry to hear of such a horrible thing, However you know I have a horrible pot puppy fighting addiction.. So it couldn't be I that has done such a thing. As I was betting with some Kobold with a few porcs. I know it sounds weird but trust me old boy. I'll take you to a few that can vouch for I. But please don't shut down the ring if you could.
Uh, Galen? With all due respect? Don't be a shithead.
If you're going to suspect me of all people for murder, you're either off your head on E.X.X.X.P. or you need to hire someone who actually knows how to investigate a crime. With all the spells there are in the Realms, there's no way I would be able to get away with murder, so I wouldn't have even tried.
Now, let's get back to the party, shall we?
I am offended Galen, that such a high esteemed elf as yourself would accuse me, the honorable, stoic elf. I assure you that all of this red liquid on my beautiful white silk shirt is just me being party happy. However, to assure you of my innocence, I could not have killed them because Gwyneth, your sister, and I were making out in the other room. Now, do not ever threaten me again or I will incur the full might of the House of Squishwitz!
Me kill them? Everyone knows that Kobolds don't fight with hammers! That's what we have claws for. Besides, if I had killed them, I probably would have eaten them, they looked like a pile of delicious jewels!
OK, so you may
I spilled that wine, but did you
me do it? Galen, have some faith in me. If there was wine anywhere near me, it wouldn't have landed on the floor, I can assure you of that.
-Tulit Aukoa, Elven Shaman with a drinking problem.
Look man, I was in the bathroom at the time.... which is totally more suspicious since no one saw me... but I can prove it... if you go to the third stall there is a massive shit there! THIS SHIT WILL PROVE MY INNOCENCE.
Now there's a perfectly logical explanation to this bloody knife. i was holding it. for a friend. What? You think
killed him? Perish the thought. now if you'd excuse me...LOOK OVER THERE, AGELESS!!!.
Do I LOOK, Like I could have killed a man, cause I probably could have killed him, i dont really know, I've been losing time recently. Was the man I killed a Kobold, cause you can't blame me then, those guys are gross. I mean who
. Do I eat rocks? Have you ever seen me eat a rock? Wait, what were we talking about? Oh i remember, we was talking about that kobold I probably murdered. Yeah, I probably killed him. I'm sorry.
Oh, man! Galen?! Like, Galen Sunsword?! Holy shit! You're, like, one of my favorite Elves in existence. Oh my God, yeah, just-- I mean, no, I definitely didn't murder anything or whatever, but
this is cool. Do you sign stuff?
What the fuck Galen, we are literally 4th cousins what the hell is wrong with you, why am I the suspect of every single fucking murder you ever investigate? Are you kidding me dude? I'm glad your dad is dead you asshole. Just go ahead and arrest me, my lawyer will have me out in 3 days since there's NO EVIDENCE WHATSOEVER so screw off.
I am wholly against murder, as I find it to be a vulgar waste of perfectly good lives. Those people who were killed could be instead productive members of society, helping the greater good and spreading our culture across the land. And, failing that, they could at least be used as manual labor. In any case, murder is simply a waste that is entirely unworthwhile for any reason.
MURDER!? Nonono, there's been a massive mistake here. Several really. It' all started when I bought this wand of watering from a guy in a cloak in a back alley. I was just going to liven up the party a bit with it. How was I supposed to know it'd bring a hoard of monkey fish with it?
edited May 2017
How could I murder someone, if I don't have any legs or arms!? I can barely function in life, so murdering someone would be the least of my worries. Everyday people tease me and ridicule me because I look like a dwarven sausage, but this is unacceptable. There is no way I could of murdered someone with no limbs.
edited May 2017
Im Innocent.... INNOCENT. TNECONNI IM PROVEN INNOCENT.
Oi! How dare you, sir sir. Just because I'm not a fancy Elf much like your self self, doesn't mean I'm a murderer murderer! Now if you excuse me me, I would like to return to my meditation meditation. *Stone forms*
edited May 2017
" Honestly mister... Galen was it? do you think a tiny keen like me could do anything to an elven party? I mean please look at me. I just a one foot gnome with better things to do then kill scum elf's like your self. now if you would please. I have more experimenting to do on witch creatures can bread. i have a Funk and a Catcoon waiting for me inside!"
( please make Catcoon cannon )
edited May 2017
*sigh* You think I haven't seen this before? A mysterious cloaked stranger comes into town one night, and then the next day someone is found murdered. I swear, it's not me more than half the time I get mixed up in all this. Look, just because I'm an assassin doesn't mean I'm the
only one who kills people. Do you really think I'd still be here if I was the killer? Well, actually, this is a nice party and all, so I probably would... you know what, I've said enough. Believe me or don't; I don't really care, since I doubt you'll be able to catch me regardless. I've escaped far stickier situations than this one.
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