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Doom Is Mood Spelled backwards Comedy Club/Old God Bloodtherhood Thread

edited February 2018 in Offtopic
A guy walks into a bar, he asks the bartender "Hey can i get a drink?"  the bartender says "Sure but can you hold your liqour?"  the guy scoffs and say "Sure, what do you take me for a lightweight?"  the bartender nods and says "Alright what kinda drink would you like?"  he picks a strong drink. the next day another guy walks in and says "Hey can i get my usual?"  the bartender says "Sure!" he hands him his usual drink.  another guy walks in and says "Hey can i get another drink?" the bartender shakes his head and says "Sorry pal your not sober so i cannot give you another drink..." the guy at the bar already hands the guy some gold and says "Let him drink!? i will pay for it and be responsible for him."  One thing leads to another and a bar fight starts, combat has started.  What is the name of the drunk and the man responsible for him that is also drunk? "Jim Galileo and Leonardo Leomaris"  the bar is in absolute panic with multiple fights going on. the bartender is holding a sword in his hands blocking a axe from a black boar that is aggroed towards him for whatever reason he looks to the drunks and says "I am going to give you the bill for each person who dies in here and sue you afterwards...eh if you do not help clean up the mess in here..."  the two look at each other and one throws a random spell at the black boar, in which the black boar becomes calmer  "Ohh..thank you for calming me down..i...i am sorry about my behavior mr Barkeep...what can i do to help?"   Barkeep: "How about paying your bill and leaving?"  "We don't need more deadweig-"  in that instant the other drunk casts a random spell at the black boar and he explodes in a pile of gore.   Wasted attempt at a joke #1

Me and my mom were talking and we started to crack a joke and play with words i forget what exactly it was on and will try to remember that moment

In the mean time the aftermath jokes of this were

"Hey dad, what do you call Mathematically Problematic? Accounting."
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