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Cult of The Woven



  • @Razgrey sounds rad, do it!

    @friskyBrisky I think they meant the "Speaks Kobold" card
  • Are green scarves ok? Because that's all I have.
  • @Loveland There is no 'Speaks Kobold' Card either (at least, not officially). :peace: 
  • @DrFlameWolfBitchBoyKing ayyy my gemling even has a eyepatch and scarf too sick. Thanks man
  • @friskyBrisky ; it is like fluent in kobold, but the way yours reads i'd believe that like if you had a 13 and a 3 that would have 2 of the same number, but it wouldn't proc if it was an 11 and 14, because the doubles there are ones, it wouldn't be a fail, but not crit
  • @DrFlameWolfBitchBoyKing ;
    How is our cult organized? You're obviously the cult leader, but is there a small circle of advisors? How do you become a member of the Woven? These questions will need answers.
  • I believe we allow all who wish to enter become one with the Woven One. for we are all Philhipe on the inside, and for some on the outside to. @DrFlameWolfBitchBoyKing Is the Cult master.
  • I do feel like we need titles though. like Cult Master, Knights of the Scarf, Woven Scribes, Scarfsmiths. I should make custom classes for these. @DrFlameWolfBitchBoyKing What would you like your abilities as cult master to include?
  • Hey Philhipes, should I put my story in this thread, or make a new thread for my story?
    By the way, here's a preview of this new class i'm making for the story, though it's not finished yet.
  • @Ozoner @Razz Well gee, I've never run a cult before...
    I guess our main mission is to at least get scarves on everyone so they can be Philhipé.
    Spreading kobold rabies is a must. Who wouldn't want kobold rabies?

    To be a member of the Woven, you should have a red scarf. That's the bare-minimum. Snake tourniquets are optional, eyepatches are optional, but reccomended.
    You also need to be Philhipé! I guess you can use normal names, but in your heart, you must be Philhipé.
    Should we have a pledge? Having this thread (haha, thread...) fill up with the same text over and over wouldn't do much good, but we need a way to make sure that they're Philhipé at heart. Maybe character profiles? Like, you put a little line at the bottom of your profile that swears to the Cult of The Woven. hmm...

    For right now, we don't need too many specific positions, since our operation is small.
    @KaeawynShifter started the petition, so Woven Scribe, would make sense in this context.

    Scarfsmiths would be anyone able to make and give scarves. I remember @Ceerol was able to make scarves, so...

    Knights of the Scarf would be anyone who could fight I guess. Who would we fight? I don't mind elves, but they... uh I dunno, somethin' about elves... If a Sunsword comes along that isn't friendly, we maaay need to use force. Knights could be pretty useful there.

    As cult master,  I dunno. I guess I'd want to be more supportive. I don't know if fighting is my top priority.

    Oh! One more thing... (This pertains to all of us) I'd be worried if our cult business started seeping into other threads  unnecessarily. (hehe, threads...) The last thing we want is to be an annoyance, so I'd keep it to this thread and the petition thread for now.
    (heehee, thread...)

    Anyway, That should cover us for the time being!
    Philhipé! :smilebold:
  • The Cult master has spoken. I shall begin the construction of these roles in due time(probably tomorrow or this weekend). May Cachecol keep all Philhipes warm and stylish.
  • @Razgrey With this thread and the petition thread, I wouldn't want too much of us around the front page so I'd put your story here. I could even put it on the main post, or link to it if it's too long.
  • I'd be proud to fight as a Knight of the Scarf
    Also is Koboldness a requirement for membership? I would argue not, but I am not the leader of this thread. (hehe, thread...)
    Also maybe something simple like "I pledge myself to Cachecol The Woven One" on profiles
    Or a cheesy bumper sticker line like "Proud Weaver"
  • @Ozoner Being a kobold isn't a requirement. Having kobold rabies is highly reccomended though.
  • You mind infecting me real quick?
  • Remember not to get wet.
  • Guys we're so close to 1k signatures on the petition
  • In the final campaign this season the old gods will create a new character that will be part of the order of chaos. Let's make the woven one.
  • I'm ready to forge some scarfs if necessary!
  • I am a wonderful scarfsmith! It's been in my family for generations!
  • I will happily take the title of Woven Scribe unto myself, Cult Master @DrFlameWolfBitchBoyKing
    Oh, actually, I know we are a cult and all, but Cult Master isn't the best title, I'll gladly use it for you, but maybe something like Highlord, or Grand Leader, or even High Priest would be better suited to use outside the cult, so that people don't say 'OH MY GOD IT'S A CULT KILL IT!'
  • edited September 2017
    Okay guys as The Weaver, I have written a grand story for the Philhipes to read! Have a look!
    EDIT: Read it and praise the brave kobold! This post is short so I need bold letters to catch your attention because that's the kind of Philhipe I am!

    Elves are racist, did anyone tell you that? They consider themselves superior to pretty much everything, kobolds included, and it’s been rumored that they have some sort of kobold killing plan. Not only that, but those hoity toity elves think that scarves should only be worn in the cold days. How stupid is that?!

    But what we wear isn’t up to them. We can make our own decisions without those pointy ears twats being… pointy eared twats! It is time for our chosen champion… Pill, to embark on an epic(probably) journey to find the Woven One: Cachehol and ask for guidance on how to protect our style.

    Like in the middle of nowhere...

    This here kobold was standing in a forest… lost probably. But no matter, he was a Weaver of the fabled Cult of the Woven! “Okay… where do I go from here?” He pulled out a piece of paper that was supposedly his map and took a quick look at it. “Okay, let’s see here.”

    List of Errands

    -Give out more scarves

    -Eat pizza

    -Kobold rabies

    -Find the woven one maybe

    -Punch racists

    -Don’t get lost

    Hard truths. It wasn’t a map. “Ugh! This map is useless! It doesn’t show me where to go!” Pill angrily ripped the paper thingy into bits. Lost lost lost. Lost AF. “Uggggghhh…” He put his face into his hands, thinking hard.

    “Ya know, you could just try walking in a random direction.” Pill turned around, and some elf was standing there. She was wearing makeup and looked… ‘beautiful’, but… no scarf. Not good without a scarf.

    “Oh- uh, an elf! You’re not racist, are you?” Pill asked the lady.

    She put on a worried face when she heard that question. “No, why would I be?”

    Pill was about to start a long explanation, but he figured that would bore the elf, so he just said: “Because a kobold told me elves are racist and they don’t like our scarves.”

    “Ah, you’re one of those Cult of the Woven guys, right?”

    The kobold beamed proudly as his scarf-cape started flowing in the wind that he suddenly summoned to make himself look cooler. “Of course! I am one of their proud weavers in search of… a thing! It’s so legendary that only scarves and snakes could describe it, but- huh?” The elf left while he was rambling. “Ugh!” He finally walked out of the forest.

    And boom. There’s some sort of graveyard. And two new elves poking around the place. “Which one are we looking for?” one of them asks.

    “Hell, I don’t know. It’s probably the stupidest one.” His partner answered.

    Gasp! They’re probably doing some sort of evil activity with malicious intent! Pill simply walks closer to the elves and says: “Hi.”

    The elves turn towards the kobold, their eyes widening when they see him. “I f@#$ing knew it! The kobolds are onto us! Kill him now!” I told you man! Elves are racist! Unless they wear scarves.

    “Oh no! Fellas, can’t we just… umm…” Out of options, Pill conjures some magical scarves from the ground to grab the closest elf by his feet, but disaster strikes!

    Critical Failure!

    The elf immediately counters by slicing through the scarves with a dagger and runs up to Pill, stabbing him in the chest. “Ackh!”

    “You get him?” Elf 1 asks.


    Pill started to crumple to the ground, but no! This can’t be the end! He’s got a little more stamina, so he can take a single knife strike.

    Cough cough gag. “I’m not finished yet! I’ll show you our woven power!” Pill unleashes his inner Philhipe, causing a storm of even more magical scarves to spring out from his body!

    Critical Failure again?!

    As Pill is casting his spell, the elf punches him in the face, knocking him out. As his head hit the ground, he dropped a very valuable possession: A dead blood snake, wearing a mini-eyepatch and a mini-scarf.

    The two elves look at the defeated kobold’s… ‘artifact’ with disgust. “What is with these morons?”

    “It’s nothing, just a bunch of flimsy idealistic garbage.” One of the elves lifted his foot to stomp on the blood snake, but an explosion occurred right when his foot was about to collide with it, knocking the elves away.

    When the elves’ ears stopped ringing, they looked up to see a floating kobold where the blood snake used to be, wearing a cloak, a big red scarf, and a neato eyepatch. His left eye was glowing. “Idealistic garbage, you say? You don’t like our scarves?”

    “Cachehol!” Pill blurted out when he realized who he was looking at.

    The Woven One turned his head towards Pill and clicked his tongue at him. “That scarf-cape looks good on you.”

    That was enough to make Pill stand up and smile. “O-of course! I put a lot of work into it!”

    “Scarves are stupid! What is the matter with you?!” One of the elves decided to shout.

    Cachehol chuckled. “Oh really? I think otherwise. You’ll look good when I give you a scarf, and maybe an eyepatch. And maybe a blood snake tourniquet.” He started floating towards the elves, one of them screaming: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

    Happy ending everyone gets the scarves.

  • @Razgrey This is amazing and I totally forgive you for calling me less of a Philhipe than you earlier. 
  • @Razgrey I give you a solid 10/10 red scarves
  • @Razgrey Now that's a good story! Relatable too. Elves make me nervous...
    The tale of Pill the kobold will be told for generations!
  • hey @Razgrey is it alright if I use some stuff from the story for the classes I am making? Mainly just the Artifact and the tied down thing.
  • @Razz Of course! As a fellow Philhipe you can use content from this grand story about Pill!
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